I hope at least one person can read this a get a little piece of mind. I know it’s hard to picture yourself being happy with herpes, but it is possible!
When i was diagnosed with HSV1 on my genitals a little over a year ago, I thought that my love life was doomed. I honestly thought that there was no possible way that anyone could ever love me and the thought of actually having to tell someone scared the crap out of me.
I started talking to Jared 7 months ago. I’ve known him since middle school, but we didn’t stay friends. He lives a few states away so all we ever did was text and talk on the phone. We had an immediate connection and before i knew it he was in my town to see me. We weren’t dating yet, however, we were well on our way. Fighting back the urge to have a sexual connection when he was in my bed was extremely hard. I knew that i could never have sex with a man ever without telling him about my herpes first. I wish i had had the choice of getting herpes or not so i’m not willing to deprive someone of their choice. We had an amazing, g-rated week and next thing i knew he was flying me down to see him. By the time i flew to see him, we were officially dating. I was crazy about him and scared at the same time. It’s not easy to have the burden of knowing you’re going to have to tell someone you really care about that you have herpes. The last night i was with him, he tried to have sex with me. I told him i couldn’t and that was that. A couple days later he asked me why i did that, fearing there was something wrong with him. I knew at that point that it was time to tell him. I wrote him a nice, honest and long email explaining that i really care about him and i told him about my herpes. I didn’t know what to expect and it was very hard on me emotionally to be able to tell someone my secret. He called me minutes later and told me he read my e-mail and that he doesn’t care. He said that he likes me for me and me having herpes doesn’t change how he feels about me at all. What a relief!! I half expected to never hear from him again.
I wanted to write this blog, because when i was diagnosed with herpes i went on a rampage searching for forums of people with success stories about finding love despite herpes. I had to know that it was possible to be loved with this virus. After having herpes for a little over a year and meeting an amazing guy who doesn’t care what i have, i now know first hand that herpes doesn’t control me. It doesn’t control anyone and you shouldn’t let it.
I hope at least one person can read this a get a little piece of mind. I know it’s hard to picture yourself being happy with herpes, but it is possible!
Comment originally published on the Honeycomb Herpes Support forums.
Post Series: Herpes Dating Stories
- 1.He liked me enough that he wants to get to know me and not to base me off of one thing like herpes
- 2.The talk was easy as pie. I wasn’t even nervous. I just came right out and said it.
- 3.There is always hope. Life could be worse folks.
- 4.Herpes simplex is just a virus, not unlike the flu or chickenpox. And your life can go on just fine.
- 5.My boyfriend treats me no differently, the friends I told support me, I feel good!
- 6.Had you ever had mono, chickenpox or a cold sore? If so, you already had herpes.
- 7.I have had HSV for thirty years. It has been such an insignificant part of my life.
- 8.LIVE YOUR LIFE! Don’t give this virus any more thought then you have to
- 9.I’m new here but i read about ppl being so worried about it and i just wanted to say it’s not so bad
- 10.Read the acceptance stories n never thought it was real……….
- 11.I wanted to share some of my happiness with you all b/c I am living proof that happiness can happen to us all
- 12.If the person really cares about you, they’re going to accept you the way you are without judging you for your stupid skin virus.
- 13.I like to mention that 20-25% of the population has it as well, so they may have already been with someone who has herpes.
- 14.Life isn’t over just because you have herpes. You will find someone to accept you – and it will be wonderful.
- 15.She told me that she wants to be mine forever and she doesn’t care if she gets it or not
- 16.I should have told him so much sooner. It really is true that if the person loves you they won’t care.
- 17.They will be happy you told them and will still like you because they realize how little it means about you as a person
- 18.The person will accept you and all your issues that come with the package
- 19.While you can find someone who does not have hsv, they will have some other imperfection that is something you have to overlook or learn to accept… it’s just a matter of picking your poison!
- 20.He says he loves me and there are worse things that could happen
- 21.You expect to be rejected and instead you hear, it’s no big deal… it is great!
- 22.He doesn’t care if he gets it because he just wants to be with me for the rest of his life
- 23.My boyfriend told me he had herpes. I looked him in the eye’s and told him, “I don’t care”.
- 24.I hope at least one person can read this a get a little piece of mind. I know it’s hard to picture yourself being happy with herpes, but it is possible!
- 25.We have been married for 2 1/2 years now and she has not been infected
- 26.I promise, life DOES go on as normal after herpes-including your sex life.
- 27.The important thing to remember is that they are mature enough to make their own decisions. Just make sure you educate them.
- 28.He asked a couple of questions about the outbreaks and how long I had dealt with it. Then he said, “We’ll deal with it together.”
- 29.Don’t be shy, give him all the facts, and if they’re worth it, they’ll stay
- 30.I have been with my current partner for 14 years and we do not use condoms at all. My partner has still not caught it.
- 31.It’s seriously no worse than the common cold. Maybe even less of a problem than that. Something that used to feel so scary to have has dissolved into nothing more than a minor inconvenience.
- 32.I felt like a mutant before….and now I couldn’t be happier. Surprisingly people are pretty understanding!
- 33.No one thinks cold sores are bad things and chances are they have had one. Then I say I get cold sores but not on my face.
- 34.A huge part of the success of the whole ordeal was that
- 35.This is proof that just because you have herpes does NOT mean people are going to run for the hills when they find out
- 36.If they truly care about you, it won’t matter. There are ways around it and I promise you… you ARE LOVED.
- 37.So you will find love and if you don’t find love then find me because i will love you!
- 38.It’s a virus, it doesn’t mean anything about your morals. And chances are good that they too have it, even if they don’t know.
- 39.I have herpes and am now engaged and pregnant with our second child
- 40.I literally wouldn’t have believed how insignificant of an issue it has been if you told me a year ago. Woohoo!!!
- 41.The initial reaction to herpes is common, yet exceedingly inaccurate. It’s not a grounded belief. It’s pure emotion speaking, generated from the experience of shock—nothing more.
- 42.Anyone who has herpes will confirm that the stigma is far worse than the actual thing.
- 43.We are now married. He is still negative, and we don’t use condoms. True love prevails…. even over herpes.
- 44.He was completely fine with this and I think telling him may have brought us closer.
- 45.It is mostly effortless and simple. But have your facts together because they ask questions and you want to be confident and prepared to answer them. IT WORKED OUT GREAT!
- 46.HSV doesn’t make every relationship more long term or serious but it did for us and it worked out well.
- 47.The first thing he said was, “so?”
- 48.Herpes saved my relationship and made it better than it was before. I hope this helps one realize that it is really not that bad.
- 49.It’s pretty amazing there are kind people still out in the world who really look beyond a lot of things and right into who you are. They do exist.
- 50.Herpes does not define who u are, it’s just one thing you have. There are worse traits people have than Herpes…
- 51.Yes, it is possible to have a long term relationship without passing this onto your partner.
- 52.He told me he was in this for forever so if he got it too, well we’d just have it together. We have had a 9 month old and everything was fine.
- 53.I’ve had 4 boys, 2 after my primary ob, and have never felt that h has affected my life too much.
- 54.I find too that the more I let go of being so concerned about H all the time, i relax and am less stressed out and happier in general which probably helps have less OBs!
- 55.H has changed nothing in my relationship, our sex life is great
- 56.He knows that he may end up with it. He also knows that he may end up with it (or something worse) if he ever has sex with anyone in the world!
- 57.This virus is only as important as you make it. If you think of it as a minor annoyance then that’s all it will be.
- 58.This disease does not have to control your life! It does not have to take over your relationships, and you shouldn’t let it!
- 59.To those of you who were struggling like I was thinking there wasn’t any hope in finding love, there is hope
- 60.You will realize how insignificant this is and you can live a normal life, including amazing sex
- 61.He loves me for me and i couldn’t be happier
- 62.It is possible for someone to love you enough to look past HSV
- 63.We were together for 4 years and I never passed it to him
- 64.Found out that many guys won’t mind
- 65.I refuse to let HSV stop the many plans I have laid out before me
- 66.You know what? 4/5 have been totally cool with it…
- 67.Relationships & Dating with Herpes
- 68.Shameless Success Story – Happily in Love