Herpes saved my relationship and made it better than it was before. I hope this helps one realize that it is really not that bad.

I was diagnosed with genital herpes on December 22, 2010. I was distraught with this diagnosis. The last thing I ever imagined myself getting was an STD. I’m 19, and have only been with my current boyfriend. We have been together for over 3 years and we have only had sex with each other. When I went to the doctor she said that she was 95% sure that it was herpes. I was in complete denial, I didn’t know anything about herpes and I had a panic attack while the doctor was examining me. I almost passed out, I was a complete wreck. The doctor was like well it looks like you have it, you will always have it. While I was waiting for the test results, I stayed at my Mother’s because I thought my boyfriend and I needed a little time apart, when I woke up on Christmas morning my stomach was absolutely killing me. I knew it wasn’t time for my period since I’m on birth control but I felt like that’s what it was. When I went to the bathroom I sat there and blood began to pour out of me, I screamed for my Mom and while she was coming to me it happened. I had a miscarriage. I didn’t believe that’s what it was, I mean how could I be pregnant while using birth control and condoms? I looked at pictures on the internet and that’s exactly what it looked like. I was shocked to say the least. On the 28th the results of the blood and culture were in and they both came back positive. I felt like I died inside when she gave me my results over the phone. She couldn’t even tell me what type it was, even though I was almost positive it was type 1. I called my boyfriend and told him the results and he just bursted out crying. While I was drving home, I just felt like wrecking and killing myself because the thought of losing him was making my heart feel like it was breaking in my chest. When I got home, I sat in the driveway for a few minutes before I walked in the house. My mind was spinning, and I have never been so scared. When I walked in the house my boyfriend was waiting for me on the couch. As soon as I sat down I started crying hysterically, he accused me of cheating when I knew I had never been unfaithful to him. I just sat there, all I could say is ” I have no idea how I could have gotten this”. He said that didn’t make any sense, and I knew it didn’t. When I finally stopped crying I told him that I didn’t care if I had this, or how I got it or even if we could never have sex again, all I wanted and needed was him to be by my side. My family was much less than supportive, they told me just to deal with it, it was my fault. With my whole family thinking I was just a nasty person, the last thing I wanted was to just be left alone. My boyfriend and I sat there and talked for a while and he told me that no matter what he would not leave me because of this. I was relieved to say the least, but I was still worried he would change his mind. A few days later I told him about the miscarriage, he is very sensitive about the thought of an unborn baby as am I, and I didn’t want to upset him more than I already had. He was very upset, while we were talking about it, we remembered one time when we didn’t use a condom about a month or so before this all started, and we decided that, that must have been the time when I got pregnant.

A few days later I woke up and looked at him. He had a small bump on his lip. I woke him up and asked him if he ever had a coldsore. He was like yeah, but I haven’t had one in 4 or 5 years. It instantly clicked in my head, that’s it! It turns out he has had coldsores all of his life. I never even knew! I told him that I know I got it from him now, but he still doesn’t want to believe that he could have given me something like this. I told him I didn’t care, but he still doesn’t believe it. I still don’t know whether I have type 1 or 2, because the first doctor I went to wouldn’t even take the time and talk to me about it. So I’m going to a new doctor now, who seems to know much more about herpes than my previous one, she also believes that I have type 1 and that, that is how I got it.

It has been a few weeks since I was diagnosed with herpes, and it has changed nothing about me. I’m still the same person I have always been. The last few months have been extremely hard in my relationship, my boyfriend and I had been drifting apart, we were both too caught up in our work and college and it was hard to spend time together. Him working night shift and me leaving as soon as he got home, and him being back at work as soon as my class and work were done for the day was taking a great toll on our relationship. After the diagnosis, we both realized how much we really meant to each other and how much love we had together. We are as close now as we were in the beginning of our relationship. I give the credit to herpes for this as weird as it sounds. I feel like a careless teenager again, that wants only to be loved and that’s all I get. We started having sex again this past week and it has never been better, I was very nervous the first time since we hadn’t had sex in about a month, but saying I love you and how much you mean to me is just not enough sometimes, we needed to express our love to each other in an act not words. I had been afraid that he would not want to have sex with me as we are both germiphobes, but he said that I was not gross in any way, and that there was no way he would be able to keep his hands off me. When we had sex the second time, he tried to give me oral sex, and don’t get me wrong I wanted him to, but it was just weird I guess, I told him he didn’t have to but he did anyway. It sounds weird, but it actually made me feel better when he did after I asked him not to, just because a part of me knew that he knew he had unintentionally gave me this “disease”. I don’t consider this a disease at all, to me it is just like getting an annoying period every month, nothing more.

I apologize for ranting, I just wanted to get my story out there. I want other people to realize that this is NOT the end of the world, it’s just a speed bump in the road. Herpes saved my relationship and made it better than it was before. I hope that my story helps someone who has been diagnosed and makes them realize that it is really not that bad.

Comment originally published on the Honeycomb Herpes Support forums.