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H is for Happy. Happy life, happy relationship with herpes.

H Is For Happy. Happy Life, Happy Relationship With Herpes.

Hey everyone.

I found out August last year I had the big h.

I also found out that a guy I used to see around work kinda liked me. Before I found out about having h, I thought he was so cute. After I found out, I couldn’t think about anything else let alone a guy.

When I found out I had h, I remember going home, getting in to bed, and crying non stop for an entire night. I thought my life was over. I thought I wouldn’t ever find anyone who would want to be with me, I wouldn’t be able to be young and have fun, I wouldn’t be able to have kids, I wouldn’t be able to do this and that and literally didn’t know what else to do.

Then I found this site (amazing) and it helped me so much. It prepared me for relationships to come in the future, it helped me regain my confidence – slowly but surely. It helped me to realize I am not alone and even though it can really suck at times and it doesn’t feel like this… a lot of others are far worse off.

Anyway. This cute guy was pretty persistent. And I liked him, a lot. After work we all used to hang out in a big group and he’d always be there, shy but still would approach me. We got on so well. I panicked. I didn’t know what the hell to do. How are you supposed to deal with that situation?! I had a friend who I was very close to and trusted. She knew my situation with h, and she knew me. She turned to me one day when I was speaking about my dilemma with this guy. He wanted to meet for a drink. She said, “look, you can’t spend the rest of your life scared because of one thing. You need to stop convincing yourself that you don’t like this guy, because we both know you do, and stop finding excuses. Go for the drink. It might go well. Get to know him. Take it step by step and when the time comes you’ll know what you’ll need to do.”

I stopped fighting my feelings, and I stopped trying to convince myself I wasn’t interested. Cos I soooo was. He was lovely. So I agreed to go on a date. Half hoping it wouldn’t go well just so I could avoid admitting to myself I liked someone and then thinking about the future. But guess what, it was amazing…

We had a great night, dinner, drinks, giggles, and a lot of butterflies. He kissed me at the bus stop and I have never had a feeling like I did that night he first kissed me. I knew then that I was in trouble, lol.. We met up loads, grew very close, went on lots of dates. It was hard sometimes. Things got a little heated. I had to keep saying I wasn’t ready, when I so was! Lol. It took a month for me to pluck up the courage to have ‘the talk’ which to some may seem like a while but to others, not much time at all. But I knew that I was serious about this guy and I needed to do it either way because if he wasn’t going to be interested I didn’t want to go on for longer and learn to like him more and end up being hurt more.

So he was over at mine one night, and I decided it would never be the right time, but I made it the right time otherwise it wouldn’t happen. He asked me to be his girlfriend a few days before that… I said I’m not sure I’m ready for that step yet.. then he bought it up again this night and I couldn’t say no – I didn’t want to – but I did tell him if we are going to go any further there’s something I need to say. I asked him to listen without questions and we can talk at the end and he can ask as much as he likes. I asked him if he’s ever had a cold sore, I can’t even remember his answer actually.. I think it was no! But I continued to say that I get them, but not on my face. In between lots of tears and him comforting me I told him that once in a while I get them, I don’t have it all the time, I have medication, and from there it’s up to him to decide what he wants to do.

He got me to look at him so gently and calmly whilst wiping my tears and said “is that it? You really think that is going to stop me from liking you?” Seriously. I was in shock. Then he said this “If we hadn’t only been seeing each other for just over a month, I would’ve told you that I’ve fallen for you already.. But I guess I still just told you..”

So I cried harder, because I’m an emotional wreck of a girl lol, and it was a hugeeeee relief. And then he said, “are you really going to make me ask you to be my girlfriend again?” And from that day, 1 yr and 2 months ago, he has been my amazing, understanding, caring, lovely boyfriend.

He knows the ins and outs about it all, he knows all my secrets and he doesn’t care. Now and again he will ask a question about it or he’s heard something about it and asks me if it’s true and I’m always honest. It doesn’t scare him. We have sex. Often. I make sure that when I have an OB and it’s healed I still leave it for a week before we have sex to be on the safe side. We use condoms. He’s happy, I’m happy, he doesn’t find me less attractive, he’s never been hesitant to touch me, and he’s not worried about getting h. I think if he was going to get it he would have it by now. But he’s even told me if it happens, then it happens. He wants to be with me forever so it won’t really make a difference. Obviously I don’t want him going through it all, but it is reassuring to know how little it bothers him.

I am so lucky. I know not everyone may find the right person that quickly, or someone as understanding but I really hope this post inspires you to believe in yourself and to know that your life doesn’t revolve around h. You control your life. I have lived normally for a year, I haven’t been back on this forum for a year, I haven’t needed to. It’s nice to come back though. You still have bad days. I’m having one now. Although I have my boyfriend and I can talk to him and be open, it’s good to talk to people who understand what you’re going through. Who knows how you’re feeling and how bad the pain is. Or the emotional stress. Stay happy, it gets better. And if you do tell someone and they react in a horrible way, you know they’re not right. It’s horrible, but it’s true. You no longer have to waste your time on them.

Learn to love yourself first. Xxx

 

Comment originally published on the Honeycomb Herpes Support forums.

This Post Has 10 Comments
  1. You are so strong and brave! I found out a few years ago that I had contracted herpes. I was scared and alone. It took me months and months to finally tell a friend that I had it and she was extremely supportive. I hated dating. I dreaded the big H talk. However when I did have it I was never rejected….until a few week ago. I had met the man of my dreams! He was caring, affectionate, made me laugh and was head over heels about me. We were crazy about each other. He said he met the perfect girl for him. I do not disclose my H status right away bc even though I have accepted it, it is still something very difficult for me talk about. I have the talk before I get intimate with someone. Maybe I should tell someone sooner rather than later so it hurts less; however I feel if this person truly likes me, it won’t be an issue. Any way We dated for about 3 weeks before deciding to be exclusive. That’s when I knew I needed to tell him I had herpes ….once I told him I had herpes he was in shock. He was speechless. I explained everything to him, stating what it was, how it’s stigmatized and that with medication and condom use the risk of transmission is low. He didn’t say much. He said he still liked me but didn’t want to be the asshole who left me bc of herpes. He was torn he said. Well we never finished the conversation(communication/confrontation wasn’t his strong point) and went about our “normal” relationship. I just figured he’s a typical guy who doesn’t like to talk about his feelings and acted like everything was fine. For about 3 weeks after that he became distant, short conversations, wouldn’t txt or call when he said he would. I asked him what was wrong on multiple occasions, asked if the herpes bothered him and he just kept saying he was busy with school. I asked if I did something wrong, did he still want to be with me. Each time the answer was he was so busy with finals and yes he did want to me with me.. Finally I had to end the relationship with him bc I was so unhappy. I cried and cried. How could someone who claimed to care about me so much just stop. (He was moving to TN in July so I thought maybe that was a factor). Just not care at all….well I finally found out it was my herpes diagnosis. He said that once he found out he was instantly turned off. Despite having herpes 101 ( I educated him on what herpes is, how it’s stigmatized and how it poses no health risks), he just couldn’t get past it. He said he didn’t tell me bc he was sparing my feelings. He was cold about it as well. He said that we didn’t work and that’s it. The end. He knew how much I cared for him and how heartbroken I was before he even told me the real reason why he lost interest. We had had sex after I told him about the herpes(it was amazing) so I figured there was a different factor that ended the relationship. He should have talked to me about his concerns, not just Check out of the relationship. I am a very open and honest person. I would much rather have the truth than be “spared” hurting my feelings. Being lied to, or not knowing hurts more! My heart was broken, but this guy’s rejection did not make me question my self worth. I am strong, funny, successful independent and I have herpes. If he had truly cared about me in the first place he would have respected me as a person when I disclosed
    My H status. He wouldn’t have cared about the herpes bc he knew I was so much more. I know there is someone out there who uderstands what I can offer in a relationship outweighs my stigmatized rash ten fold. I was hurt. But this man is not worth crying over. He obviously has communication issues as well. Don’t get me wrong rejection hurts and I still have bad days but I want others to know; if they truly care about you, they won’t run away….and if they do, they are not worth your time. You deserve so much more.

    1. Recurring herpes symptoms depend on your immune systems control over the virus not sex, irritation from sex can trigger outbreaks in some cases though.

  2. Thank you So much for this story. I can’t help but to feel like my life is over. Like why me you know? I never got to have a sex life after getting this from my bf of 5 years. I keep thinking no guy will want me now and I’m dreading telling them. Thank you for this.

  3. I recently found out thru blood work I have genital herpes. This was a shock to say the least! I can’t seem to fully shake the symptoms, this has been mentally hard and I feel exhausted trying to feel “normal” again, it’s taking a tool on me. I am married and having sex is not on my mind. It’s painful & I take valtrex and ibuprofen daily. Does this all sound abnormal, the length of time of outbreak & hardly any relief….
    Thanks for any advice in advance!!!

    1. Hi Angie, it could be that your immune system is considerably over burdened and unable to control the virus as well as it normally does. Strengthening your immune system through dietry changes and supplementation works well. See this page for more info on the immune system and herpes Best wishes.

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